For My Sorority Sisters

This post goes out to my Sorority sisters. No,no, not a real sorority. I am talking about an imaginary sorority, where you still get to sing and dance, and even pull pranks on your sisters, but have to have sex with the same guy every night because you are old and married. Also, you do not need to memorize the Greek alphabet, but instead, get to sing David Allen Coe and Mica lyrics at a high volume in front of frightened elderly couples and children. We are onto something here! I am pretty sure you get to laugh a lot more in our imaginary sorority, but I could be wrong. My research is limited, since I majored in protesting in college, which included protesting the Rush week. I am glad I did so, because they were complete dicks to my orphaned, yet devoutly religious and Republican friend Tiffany. Did I mention that she was an orphan? Within years of her rejection, she became a Lesbian. Parents, watch out, the Greek/sorority system made her gay.

Speaking of homosexuality, I was also not a cheerleader in high school, though people are constantly assuming so, due to my cheerful-as-fuck attitude. I was a cheerleader of sorts, but only for my fellow students dealing with depression, coming out, getting sober, or questioning authority. I didn't really have a uniform, unless frizzy hair and eyeliner counts, and was neither sanctioned by the administration, nor recognized in the yearbook. I am pretty bitter about the whole experience.

I assume that this new imaginary sorority will fill the gap left by a lack of appropriate social interactions, but am hoping not. I am expecting anything but appropriate from my new Sistahs. Welcome to the Ridiculous, Ladies!