All Of a Sudden I was In Love With The World

Once upon a time it was dark and lonely, then I woke up.
Once upon a time I woke up and I was in love in love with myself.

I could have any job I wanted, and I did.
    I was a professional bad ass.  
I could conquer all of my fears, and I did.
    Searching a burning building blinded is far less scary than a being married to the wrong guy.
I could have any guy I wanted, and I did.
    Sheer confidence is the hottest thing I have ever worn.

Once upon a time I fell in love with a moonpie adventurer.
He was hot as hell, and looked just like me.
This went along well with my recent crush on myself,
Though it weirded out some of my friends.
"Dude! You look related!"
Um, no. He looks like a sexy dude version of me.
Totally different.
Totally hot.
We flew to the moon and back through each others eyes,
Until one day he looked at me funny, and ended it.

So there was only one thing I could do.
I woke up the next day, ready for the next challenge.
Hello world! I am here for adventure!
Bring it! 
Oh hey, Look at you, long haired hippie HVAC repair man,
walking all sexy into the post office.
I had not previously noticed your extreme levels of hotness.
Tag!
You are It!

But every time I set my eyes on something new,
There my goodbye lover was,
Making sad moon eyes at me.
Because once upon a time, the moonpie wouldn't let me go.

What in the hail is your problem?
Why are you looking at me like that?
Why are your arms wrapped around mine,
As I listen to Willie Nelson sing about love
And simper over a sauce in my bachelorette kitchen?
And
Why do you keep showing up here, giving me that look?
"Because I am in love with you."
And you broke up with me.

Once upon a time the moonpie answered.
Then the earth fell out from under my feet,
Not from launching my dreams,
but having my dream, the one I was living in, snatched  away.
I believed I was strong.
I knew I could have anything I wanted.
I knew I could do anything and everything I set my heart on.
No one could stop me!

Once upon a time the moonpie looked down at his feet as he told me
"Your butt is too big."
My what is what?
"Your butt is too big. Especially in proportion to your boobs."
I...
My...?
And then he kissed me, and told me maybe he could live with it.
He loved me, not my ass.
Why why why why why baby 
If its so evil then?*

Damn it took forever to get rid of that moonpie.

For the record, I love my butt.  

It takes me everywhere I want to go.

My Favorite Mode Of Travel is By The Seat Of My Pants. ~LJ Schorr

*This post was written while listening to various versions of Jesus Built My Hotrod. 

As A Small Child...(For my Baby Brother, on his 20th Birthday)

As a small childI often felt alone
whether in the same room with my vocal family
or from the dark stairwell above
listening to their oh so poigniantly temporary enjoyment of life,
or peacefully alone in a room
memorizing the pattern of a particular wallpaper
or tile.
I would feel the beauty or sadness in a moment
The current of which would sweep me off to another land
A small island
where my soul could sing or cry
dance or bask in the sun soaked rain of emotions
in a way i was unable to around people.
I knew the god they spoke of came from the same space as fairy tales
and that the real power in the universe was
far more Everything
then they let on.
I had chosen to be here
but was a bit lonely
waiting for my kindred.
Someone had to speak this wordless language
of observation!
Michael was finally born into this world when I was 11.
He knew a place a lot like my island.
Said he'd just been there himself.
When I felt that current take me away, I took him with me.
Oh, he was a wise man,
Small and kind.
Stronger then anyone I'd ever met.
Accepted me.
Understood everything.
All the time.
I would sit on the dark steps
holding his pudgy body to my chest
and cry on his shoulder
as he held onto me
because that is what babies are are supposed to do.
12-25-2007

On Snow and Metaphysics

the storm has come in
done its part
the pressure lifts.
snow is on the ground
and the sun is shinning again.
with my toy pup i venture out.
we are running
waving to neighbors as i take in the cold air
the tiny little sacks in my lungs which help disperse oxygen from my bronchioli into my bloods stream pulsate and burn with life.
i am alive
i am running
i am burning
i am here
right now
don't need to prove anything
cuz i am in the air,
and a large part of the universe is alive inside my skin.

12-06-2007

I've Got A Red Hot Meteor Inside My Soul

I am sure I can not continue to live
the meteor is going to crash through the wall at any moment
and destroy my pain.
I stand herefor such a long while
waiting for something bigger to happen
something biggerand different then this.
The meteor comes not to annihilate me
instead the fiery alien rock
burns into my chest
replacing my suspended heart.
I wonder how it is
that I am forced to keep walking in this world
with a rock in my chest?
I feel hard and lonely
mixed with nothing and despairon the inside.
After a few days
I start to feel the deep and ancient warmth of this alien stone
caring for my warm blood and life force
as it patiently waits for me to wake up.
My body is getting warmer every day
in preparation
to live sing and dance
not just once more;
Like I never have before.

11-02-2007

My Albatross is an Empty Box

I floated out to a new world
on a paddle boat of excuses
lashed together with an inability to let go
made buoyant by an impenetrable arms length
of bubble wrap, wax and
imaginary kittens kept around another's heart.
I adjusted my sail
made out of the sensitive skin
shed when the rest flew away
stretched across the bones
which promised they would support my every move
they still do

The new land is green blue
brown and red
varied
lush
providing me with all I need
with promises never to live up to my expectations

Time stops for a moment as I contemplate
and appreciate my mode travel
I see it for its good and change
what I have made it into- loving it all the same
I launch my skiff into the largest
swiftest river
screaming with passion and joy at the newness and danger of it all
and look forward

My home is on the river.

LJS
09-28-07

A Little Bjork in the Morning Kicks Foldger's A$$!

A long time ago, when my world was black, I went through a phase of unceasing dissatisfaction. I had to listen to Bjork's Hyperballad (the Tibetan Freedom Concert Version) in order to get up out of bed, the tub or off the floor in the morning and continue living my colourless and spiritless life. My life was not perfect but the music was. I liked how it reminded me that material goods, like car parts and bottles and cutlery, were disposable, while relationships were not.

While more than one boi found the lyrics to be dangerous, I found them to be freeing. After living on the suicide destination of the Southwest, the rim of the Grand Canyon for five years, it was impossible for me to ignore the monumental choice I made, to live, every single morning. I imagined what my body would sound like slamming against those rocks, and invariably choose a path of endurance and adventure. My soul grew.

Now my life is my own private Hyperballad.

HYPER BALLAD
by Bjork
We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like:Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way
To start the day
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you
It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
When it lands
Will my eyesBe closed or open?
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you..

05-16-2007